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Memoirs of a Time Travelling Idiot

by Robert J. Morris

Intro - A Little Exposition and Mintaka Battle Fleets 101

Cruise Steurung was old.

He was also very young once but that comes later in the story, so we will definitely get into all of that fun stuff. This old fella bounced around throughout his uneventful life experiencing things and occasional moments in a vast ocean of uneventful happenings, speckled with oddly and exceptionally profound albeit vary rare and brief glimpses of success. Despite those very rare quasars of victory, he was mostly ignored and not liked very much.

During Cruise’s life he had always missed the boat on very specific and uneventful key moments. Sometimes he would celebrate minor successes that allowed him to move up a few notches in prosperity however largely major steps would result in Cruise metaphorically tripping on the staircase and would be left holding a wasted vision of his future-to-be. He would then revert back to what he did best, feeling sorry for himself and drinking at the local pub.

Our relatively unrecognized hero simply got old through the obviously entropic passage of time with a general lack of inspiration. Scratch that.

At the local pub he was inspired. Well, sort of. Her name was Jada. Jada Malarky. The bartender at ‘The Hangnail Pub and Saloon”. During the last 40 years of Cruise’s uneventful and relatively unpopular career he found himself mesmerized by this amazonian, er sorry, amazing woman, which I would suppose brings us into the story of Cruise’s unpopular time-line. Well, the timeline was rather popular, however, in this particular timeline, Cruise was not, and that’s not to say that Jada’s story isn’t equally as un-interesting, it’s just not the focus of our disinterest.

Well. Not at the moment anyway.

Besides all of that, there will be 187 other variations of her to talk about later in the story.

So. Where do we start in this story? Before you lose absolute interest, keep in mind that there are many t’s to cross and several i’s to dot; also a couple of Pi’s to resolve. Not to say that this tale isn’t dramatic. Before you go and consider Cruise’s life story lack-luster, remember that our could-be-would-be-should-be hero of our tale did in fact shatter the space time continuum into 187 parallel dimensions. More on that later.

Right. Where was I?

Yes, Cruise.

Mr. Steurung was a quantum physicist. Mostly unrecognized but managed to profess at a college of applied arts and technology. He was also a decent writer and had a few books under his belt, which were relatively unpopular except in the academic circles where he was ostracized by smart asses and ridiculed by assholes and not necessarily in that order. This was considered normal activity in the scientific community as several theories would be hypothesized and written into a paper or journal. Once submitted (regardless of a theory’s feasibility) those ‘cool kids’ in the community who managed to kiss enough ass to obtain signatures from the more popular scientists, would in turn get other less popular scientists to also sign off on these papers and journals. Often, more often than not, without even being read. Reading them was considered inconsiderate.

Cruise had submitted many journals and papers having very few of them recognized for their intellectual prowess and practical use for application. Unfortunately, the consideration council in charge of considering his papers always very inconsiderately read them. His work was then considered, “flighty” and rather “obviously impossible” by the consideration council as they didn’t read much anyway and considered it a waste of their time.

Cruise had several theories of quantum physics and energy transfers between entangled entities which he felt he could never test for, as there was this rival scientist who always managed to take the grant money in the categories that he himself happened to apply for. He despised this man. Since highschool, Max Perturbe was always there, getting the girl, gaining popularity, winning the science fair and the pie eating contest. Every year Cruise would gear up for an impossible victory as Max Perturbe was always just a fair bit better, more handsome, had a wider attention span and was also more fun at parties. He was also a fake ginger.

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